The Ego is a Dangerous Thing

The Ego is a dangerous thing.  It inflates us to the point of admiring ourselves.  It elevates us so that we can admire our own skills and characteristics.  The Ego puts us on a pedestal to glorify ourselves.  It magnifies our abilities and successes.  It also keeps us deceive us so that we live in a fantasy of self-admiration and self-adoration.  The Ego is a illusion that  maintains us living in a fabricated world of invisibility and immortality.  It gives us a senses of limitlessness and security.

But the reality is that we are truly insecure.  We dread having to die one day.  We hate admitting our faults and limitations.  We are scared to face the insignificance of our existence.  We despise facing our fears.   So we hide behind the facade of security and certainty.  We disguise ourselves with success and comfort.  We overemphasize our images so that we can feel better about ourselves.

But it is a lie.  We deceive ourselves.  We intoxicate ourselves with self-righteousness and pride. We love to live a dream where we are kings and queens of our own lives.  We enjoy being the center of our existence.  We adore the images we create in our minds.  We simply feed the ego.

And the Ego is a dangerous thing.  Beware of the Ego.

Involuntary Help

As a Licensed Mental Health Professional, it is not easy to have the responsibility of involuntarily admitting a mentally ill person into a hospital.  It is basically taking the person’s right to refuse treatment away from them, and putting them under treatment without their consent.   Definitely an uncomfortable task.  These are people who may otherwise end up harming themselves or others if they don’t receive mental health treatment right away.  Because of their mental illness, the person is making irrational decisions about themselves, to the point of expressing suicidal thoughts.  But it is not an easy thing to do.

I sometimes wonder if we are doing the right thing by forcing people into institutions.  Sometimes I think if we actually have the right to dictate someone else’s level of care without their consent.  It’s like telling a child that we are going to take them to the dentist whether they want to go or not, because they have cavities and we don’t want their teeth to fall off.  The child may not care about their teeth, but we are caring for them.  But I am actually talking about adults here.  Adults who professionals have decided that they are “insane” by putting a label on them such as “Schizophrenic”, “Psychotic”, or “Delusional.” So we categorize them as people who cannot help themselves, so we are going to help them by locking them up on in a hospital.

We don’t always do this.  Most of the time, we refer them to outpatient services in the community.  Most of the times, we provide counseling, rehab services, and education.  But there are a few times when we have to get out of the comfort zone and force people into locked units until the professionals agree that the person is stable enough to go back in the community.

I don’t know for sure.  Maybe I am exaggerating by writing so much about something that may be obvious to everyone.  But I guess I am just thinking outside the box for a moment, and looking at the big picture.  These are human beings, just like you and me, who deserve a decent life.  But, for unknown reasons, they are forced to live a life of confusion, disorganization, fear, and disorientation.  I have done this kind of work for almost 10 years, and I am beginning to realize how inhumane involuntary admissions to hospitals appear sometimes.

What do you think?

Take Off Your Clothes

Take off your clothes

Why do we wear so many clothes?  Why do we like to be covered so much? Is it to perform our special skills and attributes on the  stage we call Life?  Or is it to protect ourselves from the cold, heat, and the wind of insecurity and uncertainty?
We wear particular clothes to go to work: a tie, a nice necklace, shinny shoes, a nice dress.  All for what?  To present our facade of professionalism and expertise in whatever we choose to do.

We also wear specific clothes to go to social events, to go to church, to attend important meetings, and even to go to sporting events.  Every occasion has its corresponding type of clothing.  Every type of situation in life triggers a specific kind of defense mechanism.
The clothes we wear everyday serve as trophies and decorations that glorify us in many ways.  It shows the world the importance of what we do in life, it demonstrates our talents, our abilities, and our ambitions.  It shows the world how much money we have, how many people are under our supervision, how many years of experience we have, and how much do we know about the latest fashion.  It shows  everyone else our faiths, our values, and our attitudes.

We also sometimes wear hats, gloves, and oversize jackets to prevent any future harm.  It shows the world not to dare harm us anymore.  It protects us, it shows off our skills, and  it glorifies us.

What for?

Wouldn’t we be better off without all of these unnecessary layers?  Wouldn’t it be better if we are honest and let others see our weaknesses as well?

It simply proves how insecure we are. It shows how afraid we are of being vulnerable.  It depicts our fears. Our limitations.  We don’t dare show off our weaknesses.  We are afraid of disclosing the mistakes and the shortcomings we so much regret.  We rather want to be regarded as strong, limitless, and untouchable.  We rather pretend to be someone else.  So we keep wearing clothes.

We also shave, put on make up, comb our hairs, and cut our nails to present to the world that we are in control and we are taking care of ourselves.  But, are we really?  What about our greed?  What about our hatred towards others?  What about the selfishness and the pride that poison our souls everyday?  We don’t get rid of these, because they are underneath our clothes.  They are hidden under the protection of our egos.  They keep us convinced that we are strong.  So we keep putting on our clothes.

I think we should reconsider this behavior.  We should be honest with ourselves and others, and stop pretending to be someone we are not.  We should start taking off the masks, the decorations, and all the layers that we always wear so that we can fit in.  We should start taking off our clothes.

Why do we mourn?

When we mourn a  lost loved one, is it because we feel bad for the person that is gone?  Or is it because we feel bad forourselves for losing someone?  And if thisis the case, aren’t we being selfish and self centered for crying when someone has “left us” ?  How can we stop being this way?  Can we not be this way?  Maybe we can stop thinking about our own personal “misery” when someone happens to leave this world.

Is it our purpose in life to grieve those who leave us?  Or should we be happy that they have left this world of suffering and confusion, with hopes that they have transferred into a better state of existence? And if we  believe in the afterlife, why still mourn?  And if we don’t believe in the afterlife, do we mourn because there is no hope of ever seeing the loved one who left when it is time for us to depart also?  The simple answer is that we mourn and suffer because of our loss.  In other words, we feel sorry for ourselves.

We don’t like to think about death.  It petrifies most of us. It is the ultimate experience that seemingly puts an end to our current existence.  We don’t know for sure what awaits us on the other side, so we rather ignore the fact that it will happen at all.  But deep down, we know it will. And we temporarily escape this reality by living superficial lives that continuously feed our egos.  We live as if there is no death waiting for us.  We live concerned about superficial and artificial affairs.  We worry about our looks, our possessions, our relationships, our jobs, our unachieved personal goals.  We try very hard to hold on to traits and characteristics that help to fabricate a false sense of security and immortality.  We like to pretend that we are not vulnerable.  Or we try to hide  and distant ourselves from others so that we are not vulnerable.  Either way, we are avoiding and ignoring the fact that we are eventually going to cease to exist on this earth.

We tend to fill our emptiness with the presence of others in our lives.  Do we prefer others to be on our side so that they can fulfill our needs?  If this sounds cold and inconsiderate, maybe it is.  But please bare with me for a moment and think about this.  We tend to try to make ourselves complete through others’ contributions, successes, and accomplishments.  There is nothing wrong when we feel happy when our children succeed in school, sports, and other special events.  But we cross the line when we become obsessed and angry when the children that we raise don’t meet our expectations.  Almost as if they have not represented us good enough to the rest of the world. We demand them to do this and do that, wanting to create little duplicates of ourselves.  Eager to see them meet our demands so that we can use them as trophies.    How self centered can we be?

We also become depressed when our significant others decide to leave us.  We are upset when our favorite political candidate loses the election.  We become upset when our favorite sports team loses a game.  We just don’t like to lose.  We simply don’t want to experience the emptiness that we perceive after we have tried to fill it up with others’ success.  And when this happens, we tend to try to fill up the emptiness again with another sports game, or another political candidate, or another boyfriend or girlfriend.  We keep trying to keep ourselves full.  Full of artificial fulfillment.

But there is nothing wrong with emptiness.  Really.  We are scared of emptiness, because it reminds us of death.  But emptiness is actually liberation.  It is a refreshing experience.  It can hurt, but it always heals.  It heals us from the pain that we have caused ourselves by trying to fill ourselves with artificial happiness, to simply find ourselves back to the reality of our emptiness. We try to pretend we have it all together.  We like to live the fantasy of owning our lives.

But the reality is that, nothing is really ours.  Nothing belongs to us.  Not even our bodies, the children we raise, the houses we live in, or the land we grow up in.  Nothing is ours.  On the contrary, we belong to each other, we belong to this earth, we belong to the greater universe.  We belong to God.

Should we ever mourn?  Sure.  We should mourn when others who are still among us suffer.  We should mourn when the next door neighbor has nothing to eat.  When the children of this world suffer from hunger, abuse, wars, and famine. We should mourn for each other, while we all still live.

Why we are the way we are

 

 

 

 

We are all insecure about our safety.  We all want to prevent from being hurt. From birth, we are conditioned to try to cope from the chaotic world that surrounds us.  As babies, we cry when we are born.  Why?  Because we are abruptly transferred from the comfortable, warm, and safe environment of our mother’s womb, to the cold, uncomfortable, unsafe world outside of the womb. We cry when we find ourselves suffering from hunger, cold, discomfort, and pain. As we begin to grow and develop, we develop  coping mechanisms as children from continuing to experience hurt from falling down, more pain, and hunger. When  we are cold, we cry because it reminds us of possibility of freezing to death.  When we are hungry, we cry because it is a reminder of the possibility of starving to death. When we hurt, it is a reminder of hurting until we die.  When we are left alone, even if it is temporary, we also cry because it is a step away from being nourished and, therefore, a step closer to abandonment and thus death.  Although we as babies start to explore to world and strive to be independence by starting to crawl and walk, this step of independence is hard to fully achieve if the sense of security from a caregiver is not felt as a safety net.

It is all about the fear of death. Depending of how our parents or caregivers raise us, we develop different levels of insecurities.  For instance, if our parents are protective and constantly available, a healthy approach of surviving is developed. On the other hand, if we are raised in a volatile environment, as in the case of adoption, foster care, or an abusive home, then our sense of insecurity is more profound and thus we develop more extreme ways of surviving.  When we are raised in this kind of environment, as teenagers, we tend to choose ways to cope with the fear of abandonment, hunger, cold, and discomfort (fear of death) by adopting unhealthy and extreme ways of  coping, such as using illegal drugs, getting involved in crimes, sexual promiscuity, or exhibiting violent means of dealing with difficult situations.  Stressful events in our young lives are a reminder of the uncertainty of life and the possibility of facing death.  We automatically react by engaging in these extreme activities that we erroneously believe will give us the sense of security we long, but in reality becomes a way of achieving immediate gratification and thus another self-destructive means to cope.  All for the fear of being abandoned or hurt again.

This way of coping with life is what psychologists and psychiatrists have called Reactive Attachment Disorder.  It involves two extreme ways of coping with life, by either being inhibited from engaging with others, thus being defiant, aggressive and isolated.  The other extreme way would be being disinhibited from engaging with others, thus interacting with others without boundaries, engaging in inappropriate sexual behaviors, and expressing inappropriate affect.  

However, when we are raised in more nourishing, stable environments, our sense of self worth and self-esteem is better developed and we then tend to choose more balanced, healthy ways of coping with difficult situations, such as being assertive, diplomatic, respecting others, and following the law.

As adults, we continue to develop unhealthy ways of coping with difficult situations if we are raised in a volatile environment.  We tend to rely on drugs, unstable relationships, and illegal activities.  Our self esteem is low, and so is our sense of self-worth.  We continue to develop extreme ways of coping with life.  One extreme way is isolating ourselves (inhibited) , so we build up “walls” around us that protect us from being hurt again.  We do this by distancing ourselves from others, being shy, avoiding  social activities, and refraining from fully expressing ourselves.  In more extreme cases, it can lead to suicidal thoughts.  We try very hard to create distance from others to avoid being hurt again.

The other extreme way of coping with life is overemphasizing our characteristics and skills (disinhibited), so we behave overly expansive and overly involved with others.  We exaggerate our interactions with others by being flamboyant, overly friendly, and intrusive.  We try very hard to overemphasize our skills and looks so that we can be accepted and approved by others, and thus avoiding being hurt again.

Both extreme ways have the same goal: Avoid being hurt.  Avoid being abandoned.  Ultimately avoid death.

However, there is hope.  Even though some of us may have been raised in an unsafe environment that may have triggered these extreme coping mechanism, we also have the responsibility to choose to overcome these self-destructive ways of surviving.

First of all, we have to accept that death is going to happen regardless of what we do.  It is a reality and natural part of our existence.  Secondly, it is important to take advantage of the great opportunities we all have to succeed in this life before we reach our last day on earth.  The two extreme ways of avoiding death that I mentioned above are ways of denying our true nature.  They are ways of preventing us from appreciating the present.  They make us focus too much on the hurt that we have experienced in the past, and on the possible hurt that we may experience again in the future if we don’t develop some way of surviving.

Therefore, we must concentrate more on what we have in front of us and accept who we are and what we have.  We have to practice self love by starting to believe that we are worthy human beings, no matter what others may have told us or how others may have treated us.  We must rely on our own self-assessments, instead of relying  on the acceptance of others. Even though we are social beings, our ultimate source of guidance and standards must lie within ourselves.

Merry Thanksgiving !!

Have you noticed how society has slowly ignored Thanksgiving?  It is almost as if it does not exist anymore.  Why?  Because Christmas is just around the corner!  People can’t wait for the lights to be shown, the tree to be decorated, and gifts to be wrapped.  Santa Claus is coming to town!  Oh wait, I was writing about Thanksgiving, right? Ok, well Thanksgiving is a holiday about giving thanks for the things we have… Things we have?  We must get up early on Black Friday because of the sales!  We have to get as many things as we can while they are still on the shelves.  Stores will be packed so time is of the essence!  Making  a wish list for Santa…! Oh, I forgot again what I was writing about.  Anyways, Thanksgiving is a holiday based on the historical story about the Pilgrims and the Indians who were giving thanks to God for their blessings.  Singing Christmas carols and preparing the meal for Christmas eve!  Oh wait, we don’t do that on Thanksgiving.  We just get together, eat turkey, pumpkin pie, and stuffing.   But on Christmas, we decorate with lights and Christmas trees, buy and exchange gifts, sing Christmas carols, and  tell kids to be good so that  Santa Claus can come to town.  Thanksgiving?  Who needs Thanksgiving, when you have Christmas around the corner, right?

We are all Delusional

We look at a map, and believe what we see.  We believe in the imaginary lines we have created in our heads which we think separate us from other countries, states, and nations.  The different cultures and countries are found within these lines which we call borders.  We go as far as creating wars because some people from the other side of the imaginary lines dare to cross it and “invade” us.

We also create imaginary roles and identities which are not real.  We call ourselves citizens, conservatives, idealist, experts, and other  terms which simply helps us to  feed our fabricated egos.  We choose to feel offended when others call us  names that are contrary to what our delusions have been, such as ignorant, hater, stupid, and “bad person”.

We enjoy our delusional personalities when we identify with our favorite sports team, political parties, religion, and profession. We act as if we really are who we erroneously believe we are.  We believe our favorite football team is the best, that our chosen political candidate should win the  next election, that our religion is the one true religion, and our profession is who we are.

We like to believe we are in control of our lives by pretending we are strong and untouchable.  We tend to say “fine” when people ask us how we are doing, even if the contrary is true.  We act like nothing is happening when everything is happening.  Days and months go by and we still act like the status quo is what really is.

Marriage should always succeed, jobs should never be lost, children should always learn what we have learned, wars are justifiable, drugs are bad, our fashion is the best one, and government takes good care of us.  All of these are delusions.

Whatever….

I have been bombarded with media and advertisement.

People  are always trying to persuade me to accept their views or products.

“Buy this!” “Eat that!” “You will never go back again!”

“You’ll love it!”  ”Switch to us!”"Blah, blah, blah…!”

When I drive down the highway, all I see are billboards with various messages.

They are about persuading me to buy their products, go to their amusement park, attend their church, go on that vacation, or rent the billboard itself.

I am surprised there aren’t more accidents because of people being distracted by these manipulative billboards.  They are overwhelming and annoying.  It is almost as if we would bore to death if we did not have these “entertainments”.

When I turn on the TV it’s the same story.  Advertisements almost come jumping out of the TV and into my living room.  It is truly outrageous how much persuasion there is in the media and outside on the road.  It is appalling how much it is allowed for these companies, organizations, and groups to distract us with their coercion and selfish agendas.

And the sad part about it is that for many people, this kind of persuasion actually works.

But it doesn’t stop there.   During elections, politicians don’t rest from trying to brainwash us about their political affiliation. It is overwhelming to see people standing in the corner of streets with their colorful signs and posters.

Vote for him!  Vote for her!  Vote for liberty! Vote for lower taxes!  Vote, Vote, Vote!

I wish it would stop.  I wish I had the freedom to choose what I want without the

constant manipulation and coercion of the companies, churches, politicians, and

everybody who is desperate to get my attention so that they can get into my pocket.

The beauty of it is that I think I actually have the freedom to think independently.  I actually have the liberty to pick and choose my own decisions.  I can truly ignore all the manipulation that bombards me.

So my approach would be to simply say “Whatever..!” and keep up with my business.  This does not include the advise and suggestions that some honest people can actually give to me because they genuinely care about my situation.  I would rather say “Whatever…!” to every selfish, coercive, and superficial source that tries to persuade me into accepting their product, values, customs, and way of life.

Paranoia

Who is behind this?  What is causing all of this?  What is the hidden agenda? What are they trying to do to me? How are they stalking me? Who is watching me? Where can I hide?

Paranoia

I have discovered that it is easier to feel paranoid than secured.  Let me explain.  When things don’t go as planned or hoped.  When we lose control of our situation.  When circumstances are going sour and we don’t seem to be able to change it for the better, it is common to link it to an external locus of control.  In other words, we tend to start to believe there are forces beyond our control that are causing what we cannot control.

We  blame it on the government, the employer, the supernatural, etc.

Paranoia.

It is also a coping mechanism to continue to entertain these thoughts.  And I think this is so because it gives us a break from having to figure out what to do about the situation.  It takes away from us the responsibility to try to fix the situation.  So therefore, we give the responsibility to other “unknown” or “unreachable” sources and blame it on them.    It gives us an explanation to what otherwise seems like chaos.  It serves as a quick fix to the unknown.  Instead of trying to further explore, study, and try to find ways to develop a way to act accordingly, we sit back and act like we are hopeless.   We tend to prefer to play the victim role because this way we don’t feel pressured to act upon it.

Paranoia.

It makes our minds narrow.  It forces us to focus on limited information.  It does not allow us to look at the big picture, but rather leads us to be focused on what we choose to believe is causing the chaos, the problem.  We get obsessed with conspiracy. It maintains us in a stage of stagnation.  Can’t think of a solution.  Can’t figure out a way out, except through blame and superstition. It allows us to be dormant, instead of active. It paralyses us.

Paranoia.

I am not the social type

I admit it… I am not the social type… I have tried to change into a more outgoing person… I have struggled with being too introverted, too quiet… But it simply doesn’t work.. I have to accept simply who I am.

Trying to be someone I am not causes too much anxiety.  It is almost like trying to please others.. and this is not what I want to do.  I started this blog with the idea about the importance of being honest with ourselves and with others.  This blog is about being open and expressing our true feelings without offending others (although being offended is a choice). Well, here I am writing this post and being honest with myself and my readers.  I am not the social type… period.

If I try to be more talkative, or try to come up with a topic to discuss, or attempt to break the silence, I feel awkward and uneasy.  How much more of this discomfort should I endure?  I simply don’t feel comfortable doing it.  Shouldn’t I  be OK with who I am, as long as I am not hurting myself or others?

I enjoy reading, writing, going to the beach, drawing, painting,  listening to music, cooking, playing with my children, and  taking naps. I don’t enjoy very much ( although I don’t mind doing it in a very short period of time) going to parties, talking with anyone in a social setting, calling people, and speaking to a crowd.  I don’t have social anxiety either, since I don’t freak out while in public.  I simply don’t feel compelled to initiate conversations with others I don’t know.  It is not my nature.  I do it at work because it is my job.  But  if I don’t have to, I rather not.  And I think  I need to accept this about myself.  I need to let go of the fear of having to please others and simply be me.

Thank you for reading.