The state of (my) existence

I have been living what can be considered an existential crisis for the last five years or so. I have been relinquishing a lot of old ideas and beliefs that I held in my younger life. The introduction of the practice of mindfulness , and the idea of emptying my mind has been a new way of being.

No longer do I strive for happiness , for it always brings disappointments, since it depends on the ever changing circumstances. I have come to accept and live the here and now more . Although moments of irritation triggered by everyday worries and daily demands have not been absent, I have also been encouraging myself to look at the bigger picture .

The idea of a higher being is now more mystical and obscure, since I have adopted a more liberal path in finding meaning in this existence. I’m no longer bound by the traditional concepts of today’s western religions. I have expanded my views and decided to be more inclusive regarding alternative world views and live in the present moment.

Minimalism has also been my latest inspiration. I have recognized that less is truly more. That having more leads to wanting more. It has been also my latest motto in this existence, since abundance and prosperity have proven to be unfulfilling and meaningless .

Simplicity has also been my companion in the midst of the chaos. Perceiving this existence simply has motivated me to live fully and in peace. Letting go of vanity and useless desires has truly freed me from unnecessary addictions . I have come to conclude that living a simple life is much more fulfilling than always seeking for complicated reasons for living.

I have also questioned the existence of the “self” and the real nature of time. Perhaps I am one many cells that compose one larger organism. And time may just be a fabricated idea in our minds.

This state of “my” existence has been a new adventure and a blessing at the same time. It shall continue to be my newest journey .

Thanks for reading .


Ten Reasons why Life could actually be Meaningless

1. Nobody knows with absolute certainty the purpose of this existence.

2. Most people create their own meaning based on individual, cultural experience, with no clear evidence on an objective , collective purpose .

3. We are just beginning to understand the origins of human nature and our place in this vast universe.

4. Nature does not always follow a consistent and organized pattern. It is often chaotic.

5. Nature does not depend and does not seem to care about human condition.

6. We are all going to die, regardless of how much we accomplish and learn in life (and how much we try to ignore and deny it).

7. Nobody knows with certainty what happens to consciousness or the “soul” after we die.

8. Innocent people , children and adult , continue to randomly suffer and die out of starvation, natural disasters, and human caused wars . Do they deserve to die or is it simply chance?

9. The earth is billions of years old, and human race has existed only during a miniature fracture in this planet’s lifetime .

10. All organized religions that are based on the belief of a deity (s) claim to be the only right path to the true purpose of our existence . Who knows which one is right ?

There you have it. I could be wrong and completely out of touch with what is truly the purpose of this life , but this has been my experience so far .

Any thoughts?

Why do we even exist?

What is this existence but a breeze that comes and goes?

Sometimes I cannot help myself but question why do we even have to die at the end. No matter how much I try to justify death by saying that we can live in the moment and that this life has to end, for a reason, it still hurts sometimes.

I work with a mentally ill person who was also diagnosed with terminal cancer.  She is hardly aware of her surroundings and her current condition.   I feel so bad for her because she is almost like a child, except that now her hair is falling because of the chemotherapy that she has been receiving.   It is truly a depressing situation.

So I question myself again, what is the point of all this? Is this a learning experience? A big test ?

We suffer so much anxiety and depression in our lives, that it sometimes feels unbearable.  It encompasses us to the point of defining who we are. Should we allow our pain define us? What would we be without our memories?

I’m currently living the fall season of my existence … soon I will start living winter. I am falling slowly and stepping closer to the end of my existence . My grayish hair and growing wrinkles are a reminder of my mortality .

But I have no choice but to accept it.

Embrace it.

Simply live the moment the best way I can.

We can do better 

We humans constantly deceive ourselves with false ideas.  We trap ourselves with fabricated concepts about who we are and what we are supposed to be.  This existence we call “Life” is a great mystery that few of us consider exploring further than what our five senses allow us to .  

We complain of feeling depressed.  That’s simply our habit of focusing too much on the past that we regret. It is also our selfish way of thinking only about our perceived mysery which is masked by hopelessness.  We are basically trapped in our own living hell, refusing to look beyond ourselves. 

We miss the big picture . 

We complain of feeling anxious and nervous. That’s simply our habit of focusing  too much on an unfavorable  future which will never happen.  It is also our selfish way of thinking about our own perceived  vulnerability and limitations which is masked by helplessness and fear. It paralyzes us, so we make ourselves stagnated in our own ruminating thoughts.  We are basically trapped in our own living hell , refusing to look beyond ourselves. 

We miss the big picture. 

So we tend to create our own addictions to temporarily and superficially cope with the mysery. We become slaves of technology, slaves of substances , slaves of unhealthy relationships .  We fill our minds with more junk that come from the media, religion, and politics.  We dig a hole in the ground and stick our heads pretending we are okay when in reality we are drowning in our own created hell. 

We miss the big picture . 

But we have a choice. 

We can look beyond ourselves and start looking at the bigger picture.  We can start by accepting our mortality and be ok with it.  We can consider the fact that we are not alone in this existence and start helping each other instead . We can escape from our own selfish mysery. 

Donate . Volunteer .  Visit.  Assist.  Serve. 

Reach out to others in need and we will automatically be helping ourselves.  Like living cells that help each other to maintain the organism alive.  Our planet is the organism. 

When death comes, let’s mourn together. When hunger and disaster strike us, let’s assist each other . When blessings come, let’s celebrate together.  Let us embrace our humanness, including our  limitations along with our strengths. 

Not in our own selfish, individual mysery.  But collectively and selflessly in cooperation.  

Let us embrace our fellow human beings. 

Accepting the inevitable 

It is so hard to admit what cannot be denied.  It is difficult to accept that this life has an end. But it is a step that we all must take in order to live a full life. 

My dear mom asked me the other day:  “And what if he gets worse ? ”  She was referring to my Dad who is currently in a nursing home and who is deteriorating rapidly.  And my response to her sounded cold and harsh.  I said , “He is going to get worse.”  

 But it is the reality.  It is simply what we all must face eventually and live peacefully with our mortality.

  I don’t want it either.  I want all of us to continue to live on.   Forever.  But what I want is not always what needs to happen. 

We will all eventually meet our destiny. We will have to say good bye to many loved ones. 

We will have to face the ultimate experience. 

We will have to accept our mortality. 

Life lessons (so far)

In my forty two years of existence I have  learned to live one day at a time.  I have reached a moment of existential crisis where I have started to question the basic belief system I have taken for granted.  These are the lessons I have learned (so far) in this existence we call life:

Be yourself (without trying to please others )

Be compassionate

I came alone in this world so I’ll be leaving on my own as well

I don’t owe anybody anything

I dont own anything , not even the body I find myself in.

The self may not even exist or be real

Be patient

Technology is mostly a misused instrument

I don’t have to explain anything to anyone if I don’t want to

Religion is a hoax (So is politics )

Detaching myself from thoughts and beliefs  that trigger old feelings of fear and sadness is the key to peace and joy.

It’s basically all in me head.

We love life mostly by identifying with the fabricated ego.

We hate death mostly because it is the path to the unknown (and its inevitable)

Identifying with a false entity, either an upsetting memory of past event (abusive past), a particular ethnic group, a disease or illness, political view, a belief system, an organization, or a fashion (just to name a few)  is what determines most of our personality and attitude (ego)  and, therefore, our behaviors.

This false identify can be changed with practice.

I will keep you posted on any other lessons on life.. thanks for reading .  

My Bucket List… and more.

I was thinking about the things I would like to do before I die last night while half asleep.   And I thought I could share it with my blog readers.  So here are the things I would like to do before my last breath, and if I do not accomplish these for some reason, that would be fine too.

1. See my father again.  I have not seen him in more than two years and seeing him for at least a day would give me satisfaction.  I don’t know him as well as my other family members, so learning more about him and from him would be nice.

2. Travel and visit Rome and China. These two places intrigue me. I learned about Rome’s famous paintings, sculptures, and architecture in college. I would love to see it personally. China is another country that also has famous structures, like the China Wall and Buddhist temples, that I wish I can see. I would also like to learn how to read and speak Chinese.

3. Learn how to play guitar.

4. Skydiving.  Although I am petrified by the idea of jumping off a flying plane. I would need to be drugged or something. I guess I am dreaming of doing something similar to flying like a bird.

5. Ride a horse.

6. Witness the cure for cancer.  I have known too many people who died because of this disease.  It is time to know about its cure.

7. Have a tattoo of a palm tree and a coconut, representing my daughter and my son, respectively.

8. Write and publish a book. (or many books) Or a comic book (I like to draw comics).

9. Own a house by a tropical beach.

10. Experience total peace and balance in my life.

Although I have the above things I wish I can accomplish before I die, I would also like to share the things I have already accomplished in my 39 years of existence.  Here they are:

1. I have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. And I witnessed both of their births. My daughter is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and my son is a great chess player.

2. I have been married to the most wonderful woman; it will be 15 years this summer.

3. I have owned two houses.

4. I have traveled and visited Washington D.C. and have seen most of its historical monuments.  My favorites were the Lincoln Memorial, the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial, and Mount Vermont in Virginia.

5. I have also traveled and visited California, and saw L.A. from a distance.  I have also lived in the Caribbeans.

6. I have spent plenty of quality time with the person who loves me unconditionally: my mom.

7. I have drawn and have had several political cartoons published in the local newspaper. I have also painted more than 20 paintings.

8. One of my cars are totally paid off and the second one is almost paid off.

9. I went to Kennedy Space Center with my daughter during a field trip. I have also gone to every Disney World theme park (both in Florida and California), Universal Studios, and Lego Land.

10. I have not lost faith in family and the beauty of life.

Do you have a bucket list as well…?  What have you accomplished so far in life?