Visiting my Dad , whom I call Papi in Spanish, has been a sweet and sour experience. I came to visit him in Puerto Rico for a few days… because I miss him and I wanted to see him again.
During the time I spent with him during these few days , I start questionning again the absurdity of this existence. What is, if any, the purpose of this life ? Why are we born to simply die and cease to exist at the end?
Papi was an active man who worked very hard, had many friends and went to many parties. He was known as having a good sense of humor and making jokes all the time. He always dressed up with the latest fashion and style. Papi often took good care of his belongings, particularly his hair. He also has been a jovial and friendly individual. He laughed hysterically and made jokes with his friends about politics and life in general. He enjoyed drinking with friends and eating spicy food.
He went to the army for a short period of time, but he often reminded us of his military routine. Papi married my mom and had four sons. He worked hard at a pharmacy warehouse . I remember visiting him at his job which was upstairs. Papi would buy me candy and sandwiches “medianoche” for mid morning snack. He also taught me one time how to ride my bike, how to take a shower, and how to clean my shoes. He was very particular about his personal belongings.
Now most of that is gone. He can barely walk and is more forgetful. He is in his late 70s and does not eat very much. He is retired and can barely take care of himself. It’s almost like he has become a different person. It makes me wonder, what is happening to my Papi?
In spite of the changes, he continues to do certain things that shows glimpses of who Papi really is. He enjoys doing word search puzzles. Papi sometimes still makes the kind of jokes he used to make. He remembers most of his family members and friends.
I can’t help but to question again the reason for this existence. The purpose of us living in this state of awareness we call “life” if at the end it is going to be gone. My Papi was a jovial and active man. Now he is a weak and serious old man. Like the winter that comes and takes away all the beauty of the trees and the flowers and the sunshine, so does old age take away the sunshine that I often found in my Papi. Will there be a spring after this?
Most of Papi is already gone. Most of what he reflected has faded away.
I guess Papi is not completely gone. At least not in my heart.