What can we learn from this chaos?

So this is a follow up from the previous post. Today the answer to the question I was asking in my last post is that, No, we are not overreacting to the Coronavirus global situation. We might actually be under reacting . It is obvious and there is no question that the human race is currently experiencing a world wide epidemic.

Watching the news is more anxiety provoking than anything else. I have watched a lot of end of times and apocalyptic movies, but now I am actually experiencing these catastrophic events in real life. Sometimes I wish I am living a bad dream, but I haven’t woken up yet.

Schools are suspended until further notice , theme parks are closed, libraries are closed, beaches and parks are empty, and stores are running out of products. Not even the hurricane season tops this. September 11 did not affect airline companies as much as the Coronavirus. The news talk about this dangerous virus all the time. It seems that they don’t talk about anything else happening in the world.

Scientists are still studying this virus. There is no vaccine yet. Death toll keeps rising. What should we do then? Panic? Not really, but certainly keep ourselves isolated as much as possible. Use social media more and don’t visit the elderly. Do more online shopping and watch more Netflix at home.

This might be an opportunity to get closer to the loved ones we live with and give each other support. It is our chance to simplify our lives and do some self reflection. This might be the beginning of a new era where human beings can reflect more about the fragility of life and how important it is to live in the present moment. It is ironic that we may continue to interact more with each other through the use of technology. But it is also a blessing so that we can maintain contact without risking contracting the disease.

So go ahead, spend more time with your children, spouse , and loved ones at home. Interact with others away from you through virtual technology. Read more books, watch more movies, and engage in other simple hobbies. We might learn something new and beautiful from each other in the midst of the chaos.

Are we overreacting to the Coronavirus ?

I am truly concerned about this outbreak called CoVid19, or Coronavirus . As we all know , it started in China last December, and it spread to other countries, including South Korea, Italy, and now the United States. It has become an increasing concern to most of us. My wife keeps buying materials and food in case stores run out of products. People are buying masks and hand sanitizers all over the place. Others are watching the news constantly about how fast it is spreading. Schools are closing and Universities are doing more online courses. Coronavirus has killed around 20 people or more in the US. It started in Seattle, and now there are cases in Florida. Even Puerto Rico is starting to monitor people who are becoming sick.

But, are we overreacting ? I wonder how much of this is just the media and the internet making a bigger deal that it really is.

Some people compare it to the flu. Thousands of people die from the flu each year. Why worry so much about the Coronavirus? It is a new virus , which means that our bodies have not been immune to it yet. There is no vaccine to fight it yet.

But I get the feeling that this could be a massive case of hysteria and panic, more than a true global medical problem. It has recently been declared a pandemic which means the whole world is officially being affected.

Should we be worried? We certainly have to be prepared and take precautions , such as washing our hands for 20 seconds and not touching our faces. Should we avoid public places? Not go to work or school?

How serious should we really take this?

Illness should be Banned

.

Illness should be Banned. 

Having a medical condition

Is almost like having a life sentence.

Receiving medical care 

can cost more than the illness itself.

Free medical care is banned.

Believing that healthcare is a right  is banned

Taking alternative medicine is unpopular. 

Delaying paying for medical bills is banned .

Ignoring medical advice is also unadvisable .

Disputing medical bills is troublesome.

Is costs more illness to pay for these medical bills

Than the original illness itself.

Can’t afford to get sick again. 

It’s a lifelong bondage that won’t go away. 

Therefore ,

Illness should also be banned.. 

Anxiety attacks again…

So I was having a “normal” day at work today, when I started feeling lightheaded. It was kind of mild at the beginning,.. so what I have been doing is trying to ignore it by distracting myself with work and other activities.

But today it was a challenge. I felt I almost fainted while seeing a client. I do counseling, and I felt I needed the counseling at that moment. The lightheadedness was so intense that I started to have tunnel vision. My hands started sweating , and my mouth was dry.

A few months ago doctors never found what was wrong with my heart, if anything. My thyroid is fine and my sugar level is also normal. I have no GI problems either. So I’m still stuck with assuming it’s just anxiety or a more serious condition that has not been detected yet. Still taking anxiety medication on a daily basis, and I’m mot sure if it’s doing anything at all. I did have side effects of the medication at the beginning.

There was no reason to be anxious about anything in particular. And it lasted until I got home from work.. But first I had to pick up my son from a baseball game and that took forever to get to him and back home.. I thought I wasn’t going to make it but I did. I felt better when I got home. I keep wondering if this is just anxiety or if it’s something more serious. I keep thinking of all the previous episodes that I have had these and keep remembering them in detail in my head.

I will continue to do what I can including meditation, exercise and mindful activities. I guess I will continue to take my medications as well. Or maybe start trying CBD oil. Don’t know..

To be continued ….

Letter to Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

I hate you … with all my heart . Whatever you are, you have disrupted my life.

I can’t think straight. I can’t breath well. I can’t even sit down and be still when you attack . I feel like fainting. My heart pumps blood as if I was running a race.

But I’m not. I’m usually sitting down or calmly walking around. You’re unpredictable. And you scare me.

You act like a cardiac arrest. Or a serious thyroid problem . Or even a drop of blood sugar level. But it’s none of that.

But don’t think you have total control of my life. Because you actually don’t. I have some friends that have been helping me during this battle against you. Among them are exercise, yoga, and deep breathing . Not to mention the support of friends and family members.

I also have a couple of new acquaintances that I have decided to allow to accompany me during this struggle. Their names are Zoloft and Ativan. They are in my life to help me get you out of control. To have better control of my life. I’m waiting for Zoloft to do its job slowly. Ativan is here only for emergencies. But you get my point.

I’m going against you with full force. My long term goal is to remain with my true friends; exercise, yoga, and deep breathing , and get my life back.

Good bye.

My struggle with Anxiety

This has been my story …

I keep having some symptoms that mimic a heart attack, but I know it’s not that. Doctors and numerous tests verified it. But I noticed it still happens right when I would normally feel anxious about certain life events, such as going on a family vacation trip or stress at work.

It almost ruined my family vacation because of these symptoms. I had chest discomfort, lightheadedness, and shortness of breath right when we were preparing to head out for the trip. My wife noticed and spoke with me about it. I confessed I was not feeling well (I tried to hide it from her so she wouldn’t worry) but refused to let it ruined our mini vacation. So I took a few minutes away from everything to relax and it slowly went away. I drove for two hours, mostly taking deep breaths and disputing negative thoughts until I felt better upon arrival to the hotel. When we went to eat dinner at a local restaurant, the palpitations started creeping up again. The restaurant was noisy and crowded, so I associated it with the anxiety I would normally feel at a busy place like this. I tried to ignore it by eating and it slowly went away.

Next morning while eating breakfast, I started feeling lightheaded again, but took deep breaths and kept going. I did not feel it again in that evening. So I spent the rest of the weekend with no symptoms and enjoying my family.

Next day at work, the palpitations started again. I was driving a client to his lab appointment while taking deep breaths and trying to do some mindful exercises. It went away as soon as I returned to my work office. It seemed like an eternity.

I went to the doctor for a follow up appointment. He recommended for me to simply keep taking anti anxiety medication and follow up with the GI (which I truly believe is a waste of time since I don’t think it is gastrointestinal related).

And to no surprise, the G.I. doctor thought that this was not G.I. related but still wants to do a small test just to be completely certain.

Today I attended a meeting at a city office and had to present the services offered at the program where I work at. There were judges, directors of other social services programs, and other city officials present. I was feeling OK until it was time for me to present and then I had an episode again. It came up suddenly. It began with heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and lightheadedness. I was feeling so bad that I almost stood up in the middle of the meeting and walked out of the room. But I began to take deep breaths, tried to do some mindfulness by observing my surroundings, and I even tried to snap a rubber band on my wrist to redirect my attention. It helped a little bit but I still felt extremely anxious.

I managed to give my presentation, although I made several mistakes and felt like I was rushing it. Words couldn’t come out of my mouth clearly. It was an embarrassment. I could’ve done a better job presenting to all these important people, but my anxiety got the best of me this time. I got up right before the meeting was done and stormed out of the room gasping for air. I couldn’t speak. I could hardly walk. I feel I made a fool of myself . And I’m upset about it.

This anxiety is affecting my personal life and my job performance. It’s not just an annoying nervousness that we all go through. It is actually a debilitating condition that cripples me and paralyses me. God forbid if I go to a job interview, give another speech to an audience, or go to the dentist.

So this has been my experience so far with what seems to be extreme anxiety.

It has been sort of a wake up call. I remember vomiting as a kid before heading to the school bus during the first week of school. I’ve also had extreme nervousness giving speeches. In the last 5 years or so I have tried to practice mindfulness, yoga, meditation , and exercise , but it seems I have not done enough of it. I have also waken up to the realization that I have been anxious most of my life and now is the time that my body is telling me to slow down. To catch myself whenever I am feeling anxious. To not let the small stuff get the best of me.

So I will schedule routine yoga, exercise, and meditation. And continue to manage this anxiety, almost as if it were a normal part of my life. I am learning to pay more attention to how my body responds to certain situations, and starting to catch myself before I get too anxious. The next time I have an episode, I will do my best to cope by taking deep breaths, being mindful of my surroundings, and changing environment if possible. I will also make positive self affirmations and remind myself I am not having a heart attack, high blood pressure, diabetes, acid reflex, or any serious medical condition.

I am having anxiety attacks.

Have you dealt with Anxiety Attacks..?

Just a follow up on my previous post, I continue to experience these symptoms that took me to the ER for the second time. I have gone to see my doctor and they sent me to do some bloodwork and put a heart monitor on my chest for 48 hours. There were a couple of days that I experienced palpitations, pressure on my chest, and lightheadedness , on and off. They still can’t find anything wrong with me.

I went to the ER again two days ago for the same symptoms, however they found nothing wrong with the heart. ER doctor said that she would refer me to a G.I. specialist. And if this was not the cause of my symptoms, then it could just be anxiety .

So I have been thinking that , if this is truly just anxiety, then I really need to work on relaxation, more than what I have done.

I have worked all my adult life as a counselor and have helped people with all sorts of mental illness, including anxiety. But never have I worked with anyone with the symptoms I experience. Other people usually have racing thoughts, restlessness , and some palpitations . Some have described symptoms of panic attack, which I don’t think is what I experience either, since I don’t feel fear.

These are the symptoms I have experienced :

Lightheadedness, palpitations, shortness of breath, pressure on my chest, weakness , and a cold sensation on my extremities. I also felt a little nauseous this last time.

Has anybody else experienced anxiety problems with these symptoms ?

I would like to know if here are others who have had the same experience due to anxiety.

Thanks.

It’s (almost) all in our heads

Imagine living in a comic strip where every scene and character is in a separate box, with bubbles above everyone depicting and showing what everyone’s saying and thinking . What the reader would see in the pictures themselves is what is truly happening. What the reader reads inside each bubble above characters’ heads is what the character’s interpretation of what is happening . In other words, what’s inside their minds.

In their heads.

And this is exactly how we all live in our lives: inside of our heads.

Think about it. In your head. If you meet somebody and talk to them for a while and then walk away, you will still have the image of that person in your mind , but not the actual person. When you go to a restaurant and have the wrong plate served to you, you would have an unpleasant image of the restaurant in your mind for a while , but not the actual restaurant.

We fabricate what we decide to interpret in our heads, including people, places, things, and ideas. But we do it so automatically that we don’t notice it. So we live life constantly living and experiencing what our minds interpret, not what is truly out there.

We also create all these labels and ideas in our heads which helps us to identify with something. It could be gender , race, culture, religion, fashion, sports, or a combination of any of these .

It is the same as saying that we create our own realities. We assume that the ideas and images we have in our heads is really “out there.” But it’s not. It is in our minds. So we continue to live the delusions that our minds automatically create. And every time we encounter a new experience, either meeting a new friend, getting a new job, reading the news, or visiting another country , we process what we experience based on our delusions. We filter everything through our biased minds; through our preconceived notions.

It takes a large amount of courage and independent thinking to put our biased preconceived notions aside and experience life as it really is.

Mindfully.

When we meet someone with a different political or religious view, do we see them through our biased mind and delusion , and therefore, judge them as being wrong and delusional themselves? Or can we try to experience them with appreciation and unbiased acceptance ? We don’t have to agree, but we can certainly accept them as fellow human beings worth of respect.

I was seeing a video about a community that believes that the earth is not a globe, but rather a flat plane. My automatic preconceived respond would be to perceive them as ridiculous. But if I put my biased mind aside, I should be able to listen and accept their views even if they’re different than mine. And by doing so, I would be experiencing this moment in life outside of my mind; free from my own created delusions . Even though I still don’t agree with their views .

So stepping aside and experiencing every moment without biased is a difficult task; but it is essential

Note from a nihilist

Warning: the following note is a hypothetical sentiment about how I would feel as a true nihilist. This is Not a sign of a potential suicide.

My dear loved ones and acquaintances . I have come to conclude that this existence is no longer worth living .

I have struggled and questioned a lot and is worthless to continue to live. Everything we experience is based on our interpretation . Nothing seems to be objective . We create what is good and what is bad. Nothing that we do and prepare lasts forever.

Nothing.

Everybody does things to obtain some kind of self satisfaction and reward, including helping others with the real purpose of feeling good about themselves. Nothing is done with genuine selflessness. Every act of kindness is done based on self righteousness.

The only reason to make efforts to do good to others is with the hope that the good we do today will impact others in the future with favorable outcomes. But that is not guaranteed .

I have tried to do good. But I have realized that many times ( if not all the times ) I have acted out of selfishness . To relieve some guilt or alleviate a pain. And my mission, whatever it was, is over. I’ve done my part.

We fabricate meaning and purpose based on our own interpretation of reality.

It’s all subjective.

It really does not matter unless you give it importance. It has no meaning unless you give it meaning.

What is really out there except what is interpreted through my mind?

What is in my mind can be changed at any moment. There is nothing concrete and tangible out there.

So when I leave, I leave nothing behind except other people’s interpretations of my temporary existence. Memories .

Those who never met me will not care. Those who know me will eventually forget me.

And life will go on.

So don’t feel sad.

Because one day it will be your turn.

And we may (or may not ) meet again.

Ten Reasons why Life could actually be Meaningless

1. Nobody knows with absolute certainty the purpose of this existence.

2. Most people create their own meaning based on individual, cultural experience, with no clear evidence on an objective , collective purpose .

3. We are just beginning to understand the origins of human nature and our place in this vast universe.

4. Nature does not always follow a consistent and organized pattern. It is often chaotic.

5. Nature does not depend and does not seem to care about human condition.

6. We are all going to die, regardless of how much we accomplish and learn in life (and how much we try to ignore and deny it).

7. Nobody knows with certainty what happens to consciousness or the “soul” after we die.

8. Innocent people , children and adult , continue to randomly suffer and die out of starvation, natural disasters, and human caused wars . Do they deserve to die or is it simply chance?

9. The earth is billions of years old, and human race has existed only during a miniature fracture in this planet’s lifetime .

10. All organized religions that are based on the belief of a deity (s) claim to be the only right path to the true purpose of our existence . Who knows which one is right ?

There you have it. I could be wrong and completely out of touch with what is truly the purpose of this life , but this has been my experience so far .

Any thoughts?