A day at work

imageHere I am. Just coming out of a counseling session with a client who is feeling depressed and physically tired and sick.  He lost both of his legs due to diabetes and he has no hope for the future .. He used to be a great man, he used to educate  other people about history and writing.  But now he does not have any hopes of doing any of that again ..  He is afraid of dying .

Yesterday I saw another client with schizophrenia. His apartment looks like a total disaster , but he is content with his chaotic life.  It is his norm.

The other day  I saw a woman with PTSD with psychotic features.  The voices tell her to cut herself but she tries to ignore them .  She says it is not easy to ignore.  She tries meditation and walking to cope .  But she has been abused and threatened so much in the past that it has become part of her life to be anxious all the time .

I hear all the stories when I go visit the clients that I see. I feel bad at the moment but as soon as I leave,  I go back to my routine. I go back to my own life with my own problems.  Because if I don’t temporarily leave it behind, I may not have a life of my own.

And the next day I do it all over again.



Who is behind this?  What is causing all of this?  What is the hidden agenda? What are they trying to do to me? How are they stalking me? Who is watching me? Where can I hide?


I have discovered that it is easier to feel paranoid than secured.  Let me explain.  When things don’t go as planned or hoped.  When we lose control of our situation.  When circumstances are going sour and we don’t seem to be able to change it for the better, it is common to link it to an external locus of control.  In other words, we tend to start to believe there are forces beyond our control that are causing what we cannot control.

We  blame it on the government, the employer, the supernatural, etc.


It is also a coping mechanism to continue to entertain these thoughts.  And I think this is so because it gives us a break from having to figure out what to do about the situation.  It takes away from us the responsibility to try to fix the situation.  So therefore, we give the responsibility to other “unknown” or “unreachable” sources and blame it on them.    It gives us an explanation to what otherwise seems like chaos.  It serves as a quick fix to the unknown.  Instead of trying to further explore, study, and try to find ways to develop a way to act accordingly, we sit back and act like we are hopeless.   We tend to prefer to play the victim role because this way we don’t feel pressured to act upon it.


It makes our minds narrow.  It forces us to focus on limited information.  It does not allow us to look at the big picture, but rather leads us to be focused on what we choose to believe is causing the chaos, the problem.  We get obsessed with conspiracy. It maintains us in a stage of stagnation.  Can’t think of a solution.  Can’t figure out a way out, except through blame and superstition. It allows us to be dormant, instead of active. It paralyses us.