Is God love?

If God is love (1 John 4:8) , and Love is patient, kind, and does not keep record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), then why would God be impatient , unkind, and keep records of our sins to the point of punishing us eternally in hell?

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Note from a nihilist

Warning: the following note is a hypothetical sentiment about how I would feel as a true nihilist. This is Not a sign of a potential suicide.

My dear loved ones and acquaintances . I have come to conclude that this existence is no longer worth living .

I have struggled and questioned a lot and is worthless to continue to live. Everything we experience is based on our interpretation . Nothing seems to be objective . We create what is good and what is bad. Nothing that we do and prepare lasts forever.

Nothing.

Everybody does things to obtain some kind of self satisfaction and reward, including helping others with the real purpose of feeling good about themselves. Nothing is done with genuine selflessness. Every act of kindness is done based on self righteousness.

The only reason to make efforts to do good to others is with the hope that the good we do today will impact others in the future with favorable outcomes. But that is not guaranteed .

I have tried to do good. But I have realized that many times ( if not all the times ) I have acted out of selfishness . To relieve some guilt or alleviate a pain. And my mission, whatever it was, is over. I’ve done my part.

We fabricate meaning and purpose based on our own interpretation of reality.

It’s all subjective.

It really does not matter unless you give it importance. It has no meaning unless you give it meaning.

What is really out there except what is interpreted through my mind?

What is in my mind can be changed at any moment. There is nothing concrete and tangible out there.

So when I leave, I leave nothing behind except other people’s interpretations of my temporary existence. Memories .

Those who never met me will not care. Those who know me will eventually forget me.

And life will go on.

So don’t feel sad.

Because one day it will be your turn.

And we may (or may not ) meet again.

Waiting for my Dad to die

I am currently going through a difficult time… I was recently informed that my Dad, which I call Papi, may be in his death bed now. He has been living in a nursing home and was not eating well.. His potassium level was elevated . He was rushed to the hospital. Now his kidneys are failing and is dehydrated and the doctors gave him a 15-20% chance of survival .

This is hard . I’ve never had anyone so close to me in the process of dying . It’s incredible the amount of emotional pain this brings. Although I’ve not seen him for many years , it still hurts a lot . I have my moments of calm and serenity , but then there are the other moments of pure sorrow and grief. I think about the few times we spent together and the things I learned from him. It wasn’t much actually , since my parents were separated and then divorced most of my life. But it still causes a great deal of sadness not being able to see him like he once was.

I once wrote a post about grief, which i define as feeling sorry for missing the lost person. And I can admit I feel sad and distraught, not because my Dad is necessarily suffering, but because I miss him. I wish I would have spent more time with him. I wish I would have known him and that my children would have known him more.

So now I’m waiting. Waiting for some news about his recovery or his departure. It is torture is some way. But I feel confident that he will be in a peaceful place now.

Update: I received the dreadful news that Papi passed away… I’m distraught . I have crying spells . Can’t concentrate half of the time. But I’m doing ok. Sometimes I wonder if this is a test. An accident. Or a teaching moment.

I just attended his funeral and burial. It’s hard to see my brothers and mom crying. It is a moment I’m never forgetting. Wish I could’ve spent more time with Papi. I feel I did not get to know him . Life’s circumstances prevented me from seeing him more often. He wasn’t part of most of my life .

Yet I miss him and wish I could have at least say goodbye to him.

Miss you, Papi.

The state of (my) existence

I have been living what can be considered an existential crisis for the last five years or so. I have been relinquishing a lot of old ideas and beliefs that I held in my younger life. The introduction of the practice of mindfulness , and the idea of emptying my mind has been a new way of being.

No longer do I strive for happiness , for it always brings disappointments, since it depends on the ever changing circumstances. I have come to accept and live the here and now more . Although moments of irritation triggered by everyday worries and daily demands have not been absent, I have also been encouraging myself to look at the bigger picture .

The idea of a higher being is now more mystical and obscure, since I have adopted a more liberal path in finding meaning in this existence. I’m no longer bound by the traditional concepts of today’s western religions. I have expanded my views and decided to be more inclusive regarding alternative world views and live in the present moment.

Minimalism has also been my latest inspiration. I have recognized that less is truly more. That having more leads to wanting more. It has been also my latest motto in this existence, since abundance and prosperity have proven to be unfulfilling and meaningless .

Simplicity has also been my companion in the midst of the chaos. Perceiving this existence simply has motivated me to live fully and in peace. Letting go of vanity and useless desires has truly freed me from unnecessary addictions . I have come to conclude that living a simple life is much more fulfilling than always seeking for complicated reasons for living.

I have also questioned the existence of the “self” and the real nature of time. Perhaps I am one many cells that compose one larger organism. And time may just be a fabricated idea in our minds.

This state of “my” existence has been a new adventure and a blessing at the same time. It shall continue to be my newest journey .

Thanks for reading .

Is the Solution to Gun Violence more Guns?

Is the solution to wild fire more fire?

Is the solution to domestic violence more violence ?

Is the solution to bank robberies more robberies ?

Is the solution to alcoholism more alcohol?

Is the solution to war casualties more wars ?

Well then if the answer is no,

Why would the solution to gun violence be more guns ?

Ten Reasons why Life could actually be Meaningless

1. Nobody knows with absolute certainty the purpose of this existence.

2. Most people create their own meaning based on individual, cultural experience, with no clear evidence on an objective , collective purpose .

3. We are just beginning to understand the origins of human nature and our place in this vast universe.

4. Nature does not always follow a consistent and organized pattern. It is often chaotic.

5. Nature does not depend and does not seem to care about human condition.

6. We are all going to die, regardless of how much we accomplish and learn in life (and how much we try to ignore and deny it).

7. Nobody knows with certainty what happens to consciousness or the “soul” after we die.

8. Innocent people , children and adult , continue to randomly suffer and die out of starvation, natural disasters, and human caused wars . Do they deserve to die or is it simply chance?

9. The earth is billions of years old, and human race has existed only during a miniature fracture in this planet’s lifetime .

10. All organized religions that are based on the belief of a deity (s) claim to be the only right path to the true purpose of our existence . Who knows which one is right ?

There you have it. I could be wrong and completely out of touch with what is truly the purpose of this life , but this has been my experience so far .

Any thoughts?

My “Near Death” Experience

Well, today I did something stupid .

I was waiting for our new dryer to be delivered all day. While I waited, I grabbed the new power cord I purchased the day before and tried to plug it in the wall socket to see if it would fit .

I then saw the heavens open in front of me. What I mean was that there was a spark coming out of the socket while trying to plug in the new cord. I jumped.

To my surprise, there was no damage to the wall or myself (that I know of) . I then noticed that the other end of the cord has three metal rings that (dumb me) were touching each other while attempting to plug the other end. They are not supposed to be touching while connecting it to a power source. Here is the result .

So, I read some You Tube videos about what causes sparks to occur while plugging in dryer cords. I then learned that this kind of electrical occurrence could have killed me.

Literally.

So I took a deep breath and counted my blessings.

I was then anxious the rest of the day because I wasn’t sure if the dryer was going to even work. Or if the wall socket was going to need replacement. The delivery guy finally came at the end of the day and I explained what happened. He must be an angel because he was nice enough to provide a new power cord and install it himself. For free.

I hooked up the dryer and, so far, it works.

Lesson learned.

Thanks for reading.