Category 5: a reminder of our fragile lives and the audacity of the federal government . 

The island of Puerto Rico where I was born and raised has suffered a severe storm catastrophe.. it has been almost destroyed. One hundred percent of its power was wiped out. There was no communication for days. We could not reach our loved ones in the island so we did not know if they were dead or alive. It has been one of the worst natural disasters for puertoricans in a century.

It just makes me think about how fragile human life is.  In a few hours everybody’s lives were dramatically changed. . A few people died and others were just left homeless .

Now people are struggling to survive in an island with no power , no water, and few resources .. Food is scarce and gas is limited.  And now the federal government is finally arriving and helping out… but it’s not enough .  The mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital, Mrs. Cruz, made it very clear that there are people who are dying and there is  not enough help from the federal government.

No way to go to hospitals or gas stations because there is not enough gas… can’t get gas because the gas stations are empty or have long lines.. can’t go to the grocery stores to get water and food because there is no gas in cars… can’t call anyone because there is no signal or internet… so on and so forth. 

And now the president of this “great nation” is saying that the mayor of San Juan has poor leadership skills, and that the people of Puerto Rico want ” everything to be done for them.”

Screw him! 

Now he is planning to travel to Puerto Rico this Tuesday.   To do what? Make a show and pretend he cares about the victims ? It’s all politics, and he should be politically incorrect ..  the government will spend too much money sending this clown and protecting him during this trip . This money should be spent helping the people of Puerto Rico.  

The mayor or San Juan said she is mad as hell… we should all be mad  as hell. 

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Obsolete thinking

We are living in times when there is still communities and organizations that adopt a way of thinking that should be obsolete by now. Thinking and believing that one particular race is superior to others is simply ignorant and immature. 

These are individuals who cannot accept the fact that their way of thinking is already obsolete. Cannot accept the fact that we are finally realizing that we are one community under the description of simply “being human.”

We have been growing and becoming one community.  Those who resist and practice hatred continue to choose to live in their own premature and underdeveloped frame of mind.  They identify with the old way of thinking that is based on segregation , division, and discrimination.  It is simply a lazy way of describing our society.  It is trying to feel better about themselves by putting others down . Practicing hatred and discriminating is another way of bullying. 

Choosing to perceive one’s race , ethnicity , culture, and belief system as superior to others says a lot about our own insecurities.  It says that we are afraid. It says that there is something we don’t like about ourselves without admitting it .  It says that I cannot look at my own faults and shortcomings , so I’m going to focus on others instead who seem different than me and then attack them.  It is basically based on fear. 

But we can do better. We can live our lives, not based on fear, but based on acceptance and love.  We can live our lives accepting each other as mere human beings and learning to live as one community.  We can still do this and celebrate diversity.  A rainbow would not be a rainbow without its different colors .  A forest would not be a forest without its various kinds of plants, animals, and trees. Our bodies would not be a complete body without its different parts performing their own functions and still work harmoniously together . 

Let us unapologetically expose  the hatred , and then replace  it with acceptance and love . 

Feeling Bad

I have been feeling bad lately.  Let me explain.

I work as a supervisor in a mental health program.   I manage other clinicians, nurses, and psychiatrist who serve people with severe mental illness.  It is a stressful job by itself and involves a lot of therapy, case management, medical follow up, consultation, traveling, etc.  It is a job that not anybody can withstand or even consider taking, because it is not a typical mental health facility.   The program is based on the PACT model (Programs of Assertive Community Treatment) and it involves intensive psychiatric and rehabilitation services , similar to what clients receive in psychiatric hospitals, but in the community.  So you can imagine the amount or work and tension that we often experience in trying to help individuals with paranoia, delusions, disorganized thinking, and poor social skills remain living in their homes.   Even though I may be describing it as a difficult job, it is very self rewarding.  We are actually helping people stay away from institutions and jails simply because of the severity of their illness.  We are helping them live normal lives like the rest of us.

But I recently started feeling really bad about my job because of the way the company sometimes treats our staff.   They are not usually paid the salary that other facilities and hospitals in the community pay their clinical staff, plus they started hiring more bachelor levels so that the  cost of hiring people would be less.  So the competition has been an uphill battle which results in a high turn over rate.

Since I started working for this PACT program in 2011, we have had two full time doctors, and recently two part times.  The two part time psychiatrists  shared the case load of a total of 101 clients.  The last two psychiatrists were working under a contract  instead of being regular employees.  But unfortunately , one of the two part time doctors decided to move out of the state for a better paying job (its usually  because of the money) and we found ourselves planning to have one part time doctor cover  while starting to recruit for another doctor to take over the other half of the caseload.   The situation became more complicated when the company advertised the position and found a candidate who was willing to work full time instead, as a regular employee.  Having a full time practitioner is what the PACT model is based on primarily and it facilitates the overall function of the program.    So needless to say, the company had to make the difficult decision to “get rid of the part time psychiatrist” so that we can officially hire the new full time practitioner (who happens to be an ARNP who can do the same type of job as a psychiatrist).   Of course, letting the remaining part time psychiatrist know was the hard pill to swallow.  Not to mention informing the clients (once again) that their psychiatrist was resigning and they were going to be seen by a different practitioner.   Our clients who all suffer from a severe and persistent mental illness, are already marked by difficult times in their lives, and change is one of the most difficult experience which can exacerbate their symptoms.

The CEO of the company is the one who negotiates with psychiatrists and makes the final decisions about which psychiatrist to hire.  My supervisor and I interviewed the new candidate and we liked her, but the CEO was the one making the decision about moving  forward with her, meaning that the part time psychiatrist who was still working with us had to go.   Part of me said we were doing the wrong thing… that we should’ve looked for a another part time psychiatrist so that we wouldn’t have to lose the one we already had.  I was informed that the CEO would then speak with the part time psychiatrist about our plans, which I was glad I did not have to do, although I wished we could have done something different so that we can keep the part time psychiatrist.  But that was not my decision to make.

To make matters worse, last week, the part time psychiatrist approached me and asked me about what the company was planning to do with her if they find a full time practitioner.  I was dumbfounded and caught off guard, not knowing what to say at the moment.  I thought that the CEO had spoken with her about his decision already,  but it turned out he had not informed her yet.  So I had to tell her the truth at that moment, I don’t believe in lying or hiding things from people, especially staff people who work with me.   But I also told her that the CEO should be speaking with her about the matter in more details soon.  So, understandably, the part time psychiatrist seemed upset and said she will just resign.

I felt as big as an ant.

Here we are, literally getting rid of a part time person, a human being with a family to feed and a career to keep, so that we can replace her with a full time person who will take her place to “serve our clients.”  The company has a budget to keep, so having one full time psychiatrist was more financially convenient.   I understand the technicality and the business part of the reason why we need to make this decision.  But the human side of the matter sucks.

So I feel bad.  I feel we made a mistake.  I wish I could have done something different and prevent having to get rid of the part time psychiatrist.  I wish the CEO would have contacted the part time psychiatrist early and offer her to stay with maybe less hours, but still stay working with us along with the full time ARNP.

But it is too late now.  She decided to suddenly resign , sooner than what the contract mandates.  I can understand her anger and frustration. I also understand the need to have a full time practitioner who also has more flexibility with traveling and visiting our clients.

So I am split in half, feeling glad that we found a full time practitioner soon;  but still feeling bad that we lost a very good psychiatrist and made her upset in the process.

At the end of the day, the ones suffering the most are our clients, who will have to face another change of providers.  And most likely run the risk of  increasing their symptoms of mental illness because of this transition they are forced to face.

It’s hard being a supervisor sometimes.

 

What we are teaching our children

No matter if you insult and sexually assault people , you can still be elected president of the US.

No matter if you intimidate others , discriminate ,and cause division , people can still vote for you and become president of the US.

No matter if you discriminate and act arrogant, and have a grandiose complex, you can still be president of the US.

No matter if you make fun of disabled people, you still can make history and become president of the US.

All you have to do is act as if money is the most important thing to be somebody and be well  respected.  

Just be arrogant, self centered, and grandiose and people will want you to be their leader.   

This country has shown to the rest of the world that what we value the most are the things we once discouraged in our homes, school, and churches . But this country has made a big turn . 

 Because this country we call “America” has chosen a bullying billionaire who exhibits all these characteristics, and has become the next president of the US. 

Don’t Criticize 

If you are going to criticize me, first I ask that you try to put yourself in my shoes and consider all the stuff that I go through. If you’re still going to express your opinion, you can then give me some constructive feedback, but do so in a respectful way. If not, then I’m not going to listen and deal with any issues you may have with me.

I will continue with my journey in whatever way I choose to,  because I refuse to be intimidated by anyone. I am not going to be manipulated by your disrespectful and empty words. I refuse to accept any responsibility for what you think about me. Keep your misery to yourself. So close your mouth and continue your way.


Have a nice life. 

Life summarized 

This existence seems to be merely an awareness based on fabricated thoughts and individualized perceptions we call “reality” that dictates most of our behaviors.  This overall existence called “life” is mostly preferred over the notion of “death” because we usually don’t want to acknowledge the inevitable end of this perceived existence.

We choose what we believe, many times without realizing it, and continue our existence as if what we believe is an ultimate truth.   We deceive ourselves with fantasies and illusions that nourish our egos and makes us feel secure and important… but it is all an attempt to distract us from our destiny: death.

We tend to want to belong to some kind of group and community , creating societies, in order to feel secured and protected (trying to recreate the experience inside the womb).   But we often fail to realize and accept the fact that we are simply deceiving ourselves.  Unconsciously afraid of facing the reality of our mortality.

And because of this profound fear, we continue our journey of biased perceptions attempting to maintain a state of awareness we call “happiness”, not realizing that it depends solely on circumstances that we choose to cherish.

This existence is slowly decaying and shutting down.  This awareness will eventually cease to be present and we will  not even know it has happened.  All we can be aware of is what is experienced at the present moment.  Right now.

Think about it.