The state of (my) existence

I have been living what can be considered an existential crisis for the last five years or so. I have been relinquishing a lot of old ideas and beliefs that I held in my younger life. The introduction of the practice of mindfulness , and the idea of emptying my mind has been a new way of being.

No longer do I strive for happiness , for it always brings disappointments, since it depends on the ever changing circumstances. I have come to accept and live the here and now more . Although moments of irritation triggered by everyday worries and daily demands have not been absent, I have also been encouraging myself to look at the bigger picture .

The idea of a higher being is now more mystical and obscure, since I have adopted a more liberal path in finding meaning in this existence. I’m no longer bound by the traditional concepts of today’s western religions. I have expanded my views and decided to be more inclusive regarding alternative world views and live in the present moment.

Minimalism has also been my latest inspiration. I have recognized that less is truly more. That having more leads to wanting more. It has been also my latest motto in this existence, since abundance and prosperity have proven to be unfulfilling and meaningless .

Simplicity has also been my companion in the midst of the chaos. Perceiving this existence simply has motivated me to live fully and in peace. Letting go of vanity and useless desires has truly freed me from unnecessary addictions . I have come to conclude that living a simple life is much more fulfilling than always seeking for complicated reasons for living.

I have also questioned the existence of the “self” and the real nature of time. Perhaps I am one many cells that compose one larger organism. And time may just be a fabricated idea in our minds.

This state of “my” existence has been a new adventure and a blessing at the same time. It shall continue to be my newest journey .

Thanks for reading .


Is the Solution to Gun Violence more Guns?

Is the solution to wild fire more fire?

Is the solution to domestic violence more violence ?

Is the solution to bank robberies more robberies ?

Is the solution to alcoholism more alcohol?

Is the solution to war casualties more wars ?

Well then if the answer is no,

Why would the solution to gun violence be more guns ?

Ten Reasons why Life could actually be Meaningless

1. Nobody knows with absolute certainty the purpose of this existence.

2. Most people create their own meaning based on individual, cultural experience, with no clear evidence on an objective , collective purpose .

3. We are just beginning to understand the origins of human nature and our place in this vast universe.

4. Nature does not always follow a consistent and organized pattern. It is often chaotic.

5. Nature does not depend and does not seem to care about human condition.

6. We are all going to die, regardless of how much we accomplish and learn in life (and how much we try to ignore and deny it).

7. Nobody knows with certainty what happens to consciousness or the “soul” after we die.

8. Innocent people , children and adult , continue to randomly suffer and die out of starvation, natural disasters, and human caused wars . Do they deserve to die or is it simply chance?

9. The earth is billions of years old, and human race has existed only during a miniature fracture in this planet’s lifetime .

10. All organized religions that are based on the belief of a deity (s) claim to be the only right path to the true purpose of our existence . Who knows which one is right ?

There you have it. I could be wrong and completely out of touch with what is truly the purpose of this life , but this has been my experience so far .

Any thoughts?

Why do we even exist?

What is this existence but a breeze that comes and goes?

Sometimes I cannot help myself but question why do we even have to die at the end. No matter how much I try to justify death by saying that we can live in the moment and that this life has to end, for a reason, it still hurts sometimes.

I work with a mentally ill person who was also diagnosed with terminal cancer.  She is hardly aware of her surroundings and her current condition.   I feel so bad for her because she is almost like a child, except that now her hair is falling because of the chemotherapy that she has been receiving.   It is truly a depressing situation.

So I question myself again, what is the point of all this? Is this a learning experience? A big test ?

We suffer so much anxiety and depression in our lives, that it sometimes feels unbearable.  It encompasses us to the point of defining who we are. Should we allow our pain define us? What would we be without our memories?

I’m currently living the fall season of my existence … soon I will start living winter. I am falling slowly and stepping closer to the end of my existence . My grayish hair and growing wrinkles are a reminder of my mortality .

But I have no choice but to accept it.

Embrace it.

Simply live the moment the best way I can.

We can do better 

We humans constantly deceive ourselves with false ideas.  We trap ourselves with fabricated concepts about who we are and what we are supposed to be.  This existence we call “Life” is a great mystery that few of us consider exploring further than what our five senses allow us to .  

We complain of feeling depressed.  That’s simply our habit of focusing too much on the past that we regret. It is also our selfish way of thinking only about our perceived mysery which is masked by hopelessness.  We are basically trapped in our own living hell, refusing to look beyond ourselves. 

We miss the big picture . 

We complain of feeling anxious and nervous. That’s simply our habit of focusing  too much on an unfavorable  future which will never happen.  It is also our selfish way of thinking about our own perceived  vulnerability and limitations which is masked by helplessness and fear. It paralyzes us, so we make ourselves stagnated in our own ruminating thoughts.  We are basically trapped in our own living hell , refusing to look beyond ourselves. 

We miss the big picture. 

So we tend to create our own addictions to temporarily and superficially cope with the mysery. We become slaves of technology, slaves of substances , slaves of unhealthy relationships .  We fill our minds with more junk that come from the media, religion, and politics.  We dig a hole in the ground and stick our heads pretending we are okay when in reality we are drowning in our own created hell. 

We miss the big picture . 

But we have a choice. 

We can look beyond ourselves and start looking at the bigger picture.  We can start by accepting our mortality and be ok with it.  We can consider the fact that we are not alone in this existence and start helping each other instead . We can escape from our own selfish mysery. 

Donate . Volunteer .  Visit.  Assist.  Serve. 

Reach out to others in need and we will automatically be helping ourselves.  Like living cells that help each other to maintain the organism alive.  Our planet is the organism. 

When death comes, let’s mourn together. When hunger and disaster strike us, let’s assist each other . When blessings come, let’s celebrate together.  Let us embrace our humanness, including our  limitations along with our strengths. 

Not in our own selfish, individual mysery.  But collectively and selflessly in cooperation.  

Let us embrace our fellow human beings. 

Think about your thoughts …


Our minds control our lives.

We often say to other people  “Try not to think about it” , “Don’t be so negative” or “Try to be positive.”  What we are really saying is, “Change your thoughts and perceptions about the situation.”

We often reflect with our words the reality that most of our experiences are based on our thoughts and perceptions.  Our lives are basically dictated by the ideas and concepts we have in our minds.  The interesting thing is that most of the time we do not realize it.

Our minds are so powerful, and yet we don’t recognize that we can control it so that we can control our circumstances.  In other words, we are able to change the way we think if we choose to.

The challenge comes when we unconsciously identify with whatever it is that we have chosen to value in our lives.  And we identify with it simply because we do not want to accept the inevitable fact of our mortality.  And it becomes an automatic habit which we do not rethink about.  It is normal to perceive ourselves as white, black, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, a teacher, a construction worker, a mom, a dad,  a Cubs fan, an American, a soldier, etc.  It makes us who (we think) we are.

In previous blog posts, I have talked about how our thoughts and ideas can be used to feed our ego, which is the fabricated self that we keep nurturing in order to avoid thinking about our own mortality.

So we choose, or we are taught to identify with, a family name, a particular race, ethnicity, political party, profession, etc.  Simply because we want to maintain ourselves distracted and entertained with identities that help us feel alive and valued.   In other words, away from the reality of our death, the ultimate unknown.  So we keep deceiving ourselves.

Also, when we say “Good luck!” or “I’ll pray for you!”, we are basically saying that, because we cannot control or directly intervene with a difficult situation, we wish someone else a favorable outcome by thinking they may receive some assistance from an outside source beyond our control.  In other words, I cannot help you directly, but I am claiming that somehow you receive some help beyond my human capacity.

So, pay attention to what you think.   Review and contemplate on how each statement you  make can reflect the fear of the unknown.  Fear of your mortality.

Think about your thoughts.



Category 5: a reminder of our fragile lives and the audacity of the federal government . 

The island of Puerto Rico where I was born and raised has suffered a severe storm catastrophe.. it has been almost destroyed. One hundred percent of its power was wiped out. There was no communication for days. We could not reach our loved ones in the island so we did not know if they were dead or alive. It has been one of the worst natural disasters for puertoricans in a century.

It just makes me think about how fragile human life is.  In a few hours everybody’s lives were dramatically changed. . A few people died and others were just left homeless .

Now people are struggling to survive in an island with no power , no water, and few resources .. Food is scarce and gas is limited.  And now the federal government is finally arriving and helping out… but it’s not enough .  The mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital, Mrs. Cruz, made it very clear that there are people who are dying and there is  not enough help from the federal government.

No way to go to hospitals or gas stations because there is not enough gas… can’t get gas because the gas stations are empty or have long lines.. can’t go to the grocery stores to get water and food because there is no gas in cars… can’t call anyone because there is no signal or internet… so on and so forth. 

And now the president of this “great nation” is saying that the mayor of San Juan has poor leadership skills, and that the people of Puerto Rico want ” everything to be done for them.”

Screw him! 

Now he is planning to travel to Puerto Rico this Tuesday.   To do what? Make a show and pretend he cares about the victims ? It’s all politics, and he should be politically incorrect ..  the government will spend too much money sending this clown and protecting him during this trip . This money should be spent helping the people of Puerto Rico.  

The mayor or San Juan said she is mad as hell… we should all be mad  as hell.