Things we accept but, if we really think about it, are actually unethical and wrong

Killing people during war ( and glorifying war ) .
Killing animals for food.

 
Listening to music that condone unsafe sex. 

Telling others what they should wear and eat through advertising . 
Allowing children to watch TV or use other electronics more than engaging in healthy activities.
Killing unborn babies through abortions .

Voting for a candidate simply because they say they represent the political party of your choice .

Killing animals for sports , as in hunting . 

Telling people what they should believe in, such as in religion.

Buying things we don’t need when poor people a few miles away have nothing to eat tonight. 

Spending time on the internet more than we spend (real) time with family members and friends. 

Denying health care because of lack of health insurance. 

Continuing to pollute the air when there is available alternative ways of creating energy. 

Spending money to support big companies (through binge shopping) instead of giving money to charity organizations and the poor. 

Can you add to the list? 

Accepting the inevitable 


It is so hard to admit what cannot be denied.  It is difficult to accept that this life has an end. But it is a step that we all must take in order to live a full life. 

My dear mom asked me the other day:  “And what if he gets worse ? ”  She was referring to my Dad who is currently in a nursing home and who is deteriorating rapidly.  And my response to her sounded cold and harsh.  I said , “He is going to get worse.”  

 But it is the reality.  It is simply what we all must face eventually and live peacefully with our mortality.

  I don’t want it either.  I want all of us to continue to live on.   Forever.  But what I want is not always what needs to happen. 

We will all eventually meet our destiny. We will have to say good bye to many loved ones. 

We will have to face the ultimate experience. 

We will have to accept our mortality. 

Shifting gears: developing a new perspective in life 

Beginning to explore new ways of seeing this existence we call life.   Starting not to care so much (or at all) about what others think of me.  Letting go of an unexplained anger that is consuming me.  Learning to say goodbye to decaying loved ones without regrets.  Living each moment peacefully. 

 These have been my latest challenges.

I don’t want to continue to live through the motions.  I am beginning to realize that caring about what others think about me is very detrimental… it can limit how much I can be myself.   Because that’s what I want to be: myself.   Manifest my talents..  Express my opinions freely.   Do what I love.  Accept my limitations. 

I am not getting any younger, so I am taking a new shift in my life. 

Whether people like it or not, I am moving forward in my journey.   I am not stopping unless it is completely necessary.  Maybe a pause here or there to deal with pain and suffering that life brings sometimes. But on a continuous path to growth and enlightenment.   

I am tired of pretending . I am tired of hesitating and waiting for something to happen or to come.  I am moving forward.

 I am introverted , and that is not a disability or a problem. It’s just the way I am.   It is also a label, like many labels we put on ourselves to try to make sense of this senseless world.  To try to identify with something … to belong to something.  

But I will express myself more freely. More assertively.  

Thanks for reading. 

There will be more. 🙂

Identifying with the Self: Part Two 

 I had a counseling session with one of my clients.  She is a cutter and was questioning whether or not she would be getting any better in her life.  She was comparing herself with others who also receive therapy and who seem to be getting better faster. My client thought she was not improving like she should and asked about the concept of PTSD and resistance to treatment.

I try to explain to her that PTSD involves living in the past after a traumatic experience… versus learning from the past without necessarily reliving the past.  When we experience PTSD , we tend get stuck in the past and not move forward.  When the pain is avoided then we continue to experience PTSD and continue to relive the past and experience an emotional cycle which is nourished by substance-abuse, self harming behavior, and depression.

On the other hand, when we learn about the past, we develop new skills and we develop new ways to cope with the upsetting memories.  One of the ways is to talk about it, process feelings, write about it, and accept the fact that the pain was done.   When we choose to develop new skills and process feelings by accepting the pain, then we begging to acknowledge that it was a difficult time in our life and be able to move forward with new skills.

And then there was the question of why she is still cutting when she’s in her 50s now, when most of the cutters are either teenagers or young adults.

Then a lightbulb turned on in my head. I asked my client who she would identify as and she could not answer the question.  She first said “I’m already in my 50s why am I asking this question now? ” Then I asked her to not think about her current age but to focus on the question itself : who am I?

The observation that most cutters are teenagers or young adults gave me the idea that, since she has always been dependent on others to tolerate her who she is and what to do with my life, that sounds almost like what teenagers and young adults do in the early lives.

Basically my client is experiencing what most teenagers and young adults experience : finding their identities in life, facing the unknown after depending on the parents.  My client said she always depended on her parents and she was taking care of and nourished as a child even during her adulthood.  This can explain why she has difficulty identifying who she is now in her 50s. I explained that most of us experience the same identity crisis in different times of our lives. Most of us identify with what we have been assigned to be, for example our names, our ethnicity, our gender, and our religion. But we ultimately face a time in life, usually during young adulthood, where we start questioning  our assigned entities and find our own identities. And maybe that’s what my client is experiencing at the present moment.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, we mostly live inside our heads. Inside our thoughts and perceptions. We rarely get out of our thoughts and face reality. We don’t usually live in the present moment.  But we rather stay living inside our heads.  Inside our minds. But we rarely step aside and start perceiving ourselves as we really are.

Have the rest of us done the same thing in our lives?  Have we taken the bold step of “peeling the onion” all the way until we find our true selves?

In my own experience , that “true self” remains a mystery.  It remains a great part of the unknown, which is why I tend to ignore it and replace it with all the entities I have been taught to identify with.

I have learned to identify with being a Hispanic middle age male, an American, a mental health professional, a  Florida resident, a parent, a husband, a son, and many other entities.  All of these I can question and deny if I choose to.  What I have not identified with as much is what can never question or deny.

My true self.

But what is the true self?  Is it simply being human? Being a person? After all, isn’t that what we all have in common? Identifying with being Human beings ? Anything else could be used to separate and segregate us.  But being humans could only keep us united.

Don’t Criticize 

If you are going to criticize me, first I ask that you try to put yourself in my shoes and consider all the stuff that I go through. If you’re still going to express your opinion, you can then give me some constructive feedback, but do so in a respectful way. If not, then I’m not going to listen and deal with any issues you may have with me.

I will continue with my journey in whatever way I choose to,  because I refuse to be intimidated by anyone. I am not going to be manipulated by your disrespectful and empty words. I refuse to accept any responsibility for what you think about me. Keep your misery to yourself. So close your mouth and continue your way.


Have a nice life. 

Life summarized 

This existence seems to be merely an awareness based on fabricated thoughts and individualized perceptions we call “reality” that dictates most of our behaviors.  This overall existence called “life” is mostly preferred over the notion of “death” because we usually don’t want to acknowledge the inevitable end of this perceived existence.

We choose what we believe, many times without realizing it, and continue our existence as if what we believe is an ultimate truth.   We deceive ourselves with fantasies and illusions that nourish our egos and makes us feel secure and important… but it is all an attempt to distract us from our destiny: death.

We tend to want to belong to some kind of group and community , creating societies, in order to feel secured and protected (trying to recreate the experience inside the womb).   But we often fail to realize and accept the fact that we are simply deceiving ourselves.  Unconsciously afraid of facing the reality of our mortality.

And because of this profound fear, we continue our journey of biased perceptions attempting to maintain a state of awareness we call “happiness”, not realizing that it depends solely on circumstances that we choose to cherish.

This existence is slowly decaying and shutting down.  This awareness will eventually cease to be present and we will  not even know it has happened.  All we can be aware of is what is experienced at the present moment.  Right now.

Think about it.

 

 

 

Life lessons (so far)

In my forty two years of existence I have  learned to live one day at a time.  I have reached a moment of existential crisis where I have started to question the basic belief system I have taken for granted.  These are the lessons I have learned (so far) in this existence we call life:

Be yourself (without trying to please others )

Be compassionate

I came alone in this world so I’ll be leaving on my own as well

I don’t owe anybody anything

I dont own anything , not even the body I find myself in.

The self may not even exist or be real

Be patient

Technology is mostly a misused instrument

I don’t have to explain anything to anyone if I don’t want to

Religion is a hoax (So is politics )

Detaching myself from thoughts and beliefs  that trigger old feelings of fear and sadness is the key to peace and joy.

It’s basically all in me head.

We love life mostly by identifying with the fabricated ego.

We hate death mostly because it is the path to the unknown (and its inevitable)

Identifying with a false entity, either an upsetting memory of past event (abusive past), a particular ethnic group, a disease or illness, political view, a belief system, an organization, or a fashion (just to name a few)  is what determines most of our personality and attitude (ego)  and, therefore, our behaviors.

This false identify can be changed with practice.

I will keep you posted on any other lessons on life.. thanks for reading .