Things we accept but, if we really think about it, are actually unethical and wrong

Killing people during war ( and glorifying war ) .
Killing animals for food.

 
Listening to music that condone unsafe sex. 

Telling others what they should wear and eat through advertising . 
Allowing children to watch TV or use other electronics more than engaging in healthy activities.
Killing unborn babies through abortions .

Voting for a candidate simply because they say they represent the political party of your choice .

Killing animals for sports , as in hunting . 

Telling people what they should believe in, such as in religion.

Buying things we don’t need when poor people a few miles away have nothing to eat tonight. 

Spending time on the internet more than we spend (real) time with family members and friends. 

Denying health care because of lack of health insurance. 

Continuing to pollute the air when there is available alternative ways of creating energy. 

Spending money to support big companies (through binge shopping) instead of giving money to charity organizations and the poor. 

Can you add to the list? 

Accepting the inevitable

It is so hard to admit what cannot be denied.  It is difficult to accept that this life has an end. But it is a step that we all must take in order to live a full life. 

My dear mom asked me the other day:  “And what if he gets worse ? ”  She was referring to my Dad who is currently in a nursing home and who is deteriorating rapidly.  And my response to her sounded cold and harsh.  I said , “He is going to get worse.”  

 But it is the reality.  It is simply what we all must face eventually and live peacefully with our mortality.

  I don’t want it either.  I want all of us to continue to live on.   Forever.  But what I want is not always what needs to happen. 

We will all eventually meet our destiny. We will have to say good bye to many loved ones. 

We will have to face the ultimate experience. 

We will have to accept our mortality. 

Shifting gears: developing a new perspective in life

Beginning to explore new ways of seeing this existence we call life.   Starting not to care so much (or at all) about what others think of me.  Letting go of an unexplained anger that is consuming me.  Learning to say goodbye to decaying loved ones without regrets.  Living each moment peacefully. 

 These have been my latest challenges.

I don’t want to continue to live through the motions.  I am beginning to realize that caring about what others think about me is very detrimental… it can limit how much I can be myself.   Because that’s what I want to be: myself.   Manifest my talents..  Express my opinions freely.   Do what I love.  Accept my limitations. 

I am not getting any younger, so I am taking a new shift in my life. 

Whether people like it or not, I am moving forward in my journey.   I am not stopping unless it is completely necessary.  Maybe a pause here or there to deal with pain and suffering that life brings sometimes. But on a continuous path to growth and enlightenment.   

I am tired of pretending . I am tired of hesitating and waiting for something to happen or to come.  I am moving forward.

 I am introverted , and that is not a disability or a problem. It’s just the way I am.   It is also a label, like many labels we put on ourselves to try to make sense of this senseless world.  To try to identify with something … to belong to something.  

But I will express myself more freely. More assertively.  

Thanks for reading. 

There will be more. 🙂

Feeling Bad

I have been feeling bad lately.  Let me explain.

I work as a supervisor in a mental health program.   I manage other clinicians, nurses, and psychiatrist who serve people with severe mental illness.  It is a stressful job by itself and involves a lot of therapy, case management, medical follow up, consultation, traveling, etc.  It is a job that not anybody can withstand or even consider taking, because it is not a typical mental health facility.   The program is based on the PACT model (Programs of Assertive Community Treatment) and it involves intensive psychiatric and rehabilitation services , similar to what clients receive in psychiatric hospitals, but in the community.  So you can imagine the amount or work and tension that we often experience in trying to help individuals with paranoia, delusions, disorganized thinking, and poor social skills remain living in their homes.   Even though I may be describing it as a difficult job, it is very self rewarding.  We are actually helping people stay away from institutions and jails simply because of the severity of their illness.  We are helping them live normal lives like the rest of us.

But I recently started feeling really bad about my job because of the way the company sometimes treats our staff.   They are not usually paid the salary that other facilities and hospitals in the community pay their clinical staff, plus they started hiring more bachelor levels so that the  cost of hiring people would be less.  So the competition has been an uphill battle which results in a high turn over rate.

Since I started working for this PACT program in 2011, we have had two full time doctors, and recently two part times.  The two part time psychiatrists  shared the case load of a total of 101 clients.  The last two psychiatrists were working under a contract  instead of being regular employees.  But unfortunately , one of the two part time doctors decided to move out of the state for a better paying job (its usually  because of the money) and we found ourselves planning to have one part time doctor cover  while starting to recruit for another doctor to take over the other half of the caseload.   The situation became more complicated when the company advertised the position and found a candidate who was willing to work full time instead, as a regular employee.  Having a full time practitioner is what the PACT model is based on primarily and it facilitates the overall function of the program.    So needless to say, the company had to make the difficult decision to “get rid of the part time psychiatrist” so that we can officially hire the new full time practitioner (who happens to be an ARNP who can do the same type of job as a psychiatrist).   Of course, letting the remaining part time psychiatrist know was the hard pill to swallow.  Not to mention informing the clients (once again) that their psychiatrist was resigning and they were going to be seen by a different practitioner.   Our clients who all suffer from a severe and persistent mental illness, are already marked by difficult times in their lives, and change is one of the most difficult experience which can exacerbate their symptoms.

The CEO of the company is the one who negotiates with psychiatrists and makes the final decisions about which psychiatrist to hire.  My supervisor and I interviewed the new candidate and we liked her, but the CEO was the one making the decision about moving  forward with her, meaning that the part time psychiatrist who was still working with us had to go.   Part of me said we were doing the wrong thing… that we should’ve looked for a another part time psychiatrist so that we wouldn’t have to lose the one we already had.  I was informed that the CEO would then speak with the part time psychiatrist about our plans, which I was glad I did not have to do, although I wished we could have done something different so that we can keep the part time psychiatrist.  But that was not my decision to make.

To make matters worse, last week, the part time psychiatrist approached me and asked me about what the company was planning to do with her if they find a full time practitioner.  I was dumbfounded and caught off guard, not knowing what to say at the moment.  I thought that the CEO had spoken with her about his decision already,  but it turned out he had not informed her yet.  So I had to tell her the truth at that moment, I don’t believe in lying or hiding things from people, especially staff people who work with me.   But I also told her that the CEO should be speaking with her about the matter in more details soon.  So, understandably, the part time psychiatrist seemed upset and said she will just resign.

I felt as big as an ant.

Here we are, literally getting rid of a part time person, a human being with a family to feed and a career to keep, so that we can replace her with a full time person who will take her place to “serve our clients.”  The company has a budget to keep, so having one full time psychiatrist was more financially convenient.   I understand the technicality and the business part of the reason why we need to make this decision.  But the human side of the matter sucks.

So I feel bad.  I feel we made a mistake.  I wish I could have done something different and prevent having to get rid of the part time psychiatrist.  I wish the CEO would have contacted the part time psychiatrist early and offer her to stay with maybe less hours, but still stay working with us along with the full time ARNP.

But it is too late now.  She decided to suddenly resign , sooner than what the contract mandates.  I can understand her anger and frustration. I also understand the need to have a full time practitioner who also has more flexibility with traveling and visiting our clients.

So I am split in half, feeling glad that we found a full time practitioner soon;  but still feeling bad that we lost a very good psychiatrist and made her upset in the process.

At the end of the day, the ones suffering the most are our clients, who will have to face another change of providers.  And most likely run the risk of  increasing their symptoms of mental illness because of this transition they are forced to face.

It’s hard being a supervisor sometimes.

 

Speechless – Furious – Upset

Here is a great post that expressed the concern that most of Americans are also experiencing. Please read and share as well. Thanks .

The happy Quitter!

“It’s hypocrisy to call yourself a Christian and chase away a refugee or someone seeking help, someone who is hungry or thirsty, toss out someone who is in need of my help,” he said. “If I say I am Christian, but do these things, I’m a hypocrite.” Pope Francis, 2016

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Tomorrow

Tomorrow the US will have a new president.

A new president who respects no one, except his own arrogant self. 

A new president who has proven to be unfit to be the leader of this great nation. 

Tomorrow will be a sad day for many of us. 

But I have learned not to pay too much attention to the obvious derogatory character that this person has shown.

I rather spend more time and energy focusing on what the rest of us Americans can do to better ourselves. 

Like our former First Lady said: “When they go low, we go high!”

So let us do just that. 

Let us stand up and continue our fight to defend liberty and freedom.  

Tomorrow could be perceived as the first day in our new fight.

Tomorrow we can start fighting to defend immigrants , who are a big part of this nation’s growing economy. 

Tomorrow we can start supporting for continuous health care coverage for every American. 

Tomorrow we can start emphasizing on the importance of maintaining good relationship with the rest of the world.

Tomorrow we will have an opportunity to show each other the greatness of equality, alternative source of energy, and education on mental health services as a tool to lower gun violence. 

Tomorrow will be a day when we can continue to lift our faces and admire the beauty of our diversity, the awesomeness of respecting each other belief system, and the greatness of free speech. 

Tomorrow will be our opportunity . 

Tomorrow and many years to come. 

We can do this. It is our responsibility. 

Yes, tomorrow will be the day to show to the world how great America is.  

Identifying with the Self: Part Two

 I had a counseling session with one of my clients.  She is a cutter and was questioning whether or not she would be getting any better in her life.  She was comparing herself with others who also receive therapy and who seem to be getting better faster. My client thought she was not improving like she should and asked about the concept of PTSD and resistance to treatment.

I try to explain to her that PTSD involves living in the past after a traumatic experience… versus learning from the past without necessarily reliving the past.  When we experience PTSD , we tend get stuck in the past and not move forward.  When the pain is avoided then we continue to experience PTSD and continue to relive the past and experience an emotional cycle which is nourished by substance-abuse, self harming behavior, and depression.

On the other hand, when we learn about the past, we develop new skills and we develop new ways to cope with the upsetting memories.  One of the ways is to talk about it, process feelings, write about it, and accept the fact that the pain was done.   When we choose to develop new skills and process feelings by accepting the pain, then we begging to acknowledge that it was a difficult time in our life and be able to move forward with new skills.

And then there was the question of why she is still cutting when she’s in her 50s now, when most of the cutters are either teenagers or young adults.

Then a lightbulb turned on in my head. I asked my client who she would identify as and she could not answer the question.  She first said “I’m already in my 50s why am I asking this question now? ” Then I asked her to not think about her current age but to focus on the question itself : who am I?

The observation that most cutters are teenagers or young adults gave me the idea that, since she has always been dependent on others to tolerate her who she is and what to do with my life, that sounds almost like what teenagers and young adults do in the early lives.

Basically my client is experiencing what most teenagers and young adults experience : finding their identities in life, facing the unknown after depending on the parents.  My client said she always depended on her parents and she was taking care of and nourished as a child even during her adulthood.  This can explain why she has difficulty identifying who she is now in her 50s. I explained that most of us experience the same identity crisis in different times of our lives. Most of us identify with what we have been assigned to be, for example our names, our ethnicity, our gender, and our religion. But we ultimately face a time in life, usually during young adulthood, where we start questioning  our assigned entities and find our own identities. And maybe that’s what my client is experiencing at the present moment.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, we mostly live inside our heads. Inside our thoughts and perceptions. We rarely get out of our thoughts and face reality. We don’t usually live in the present moment.  But we rather stay living inside our heads.  Inside our minds. But we rarely step aside and start perceiving ourselves as we really are.

Have the rest of us done the same thing in our lives?  Have we taken the bold step of “peeling the onion” all the way until we find our true selves?

In my own experience , that “true self” remains a mystery.  It remains a great part of the unknown, which is why I tend to ignore it and replace it with all the entities I have been taught to identify with.

I have learned to identify with being a Hispanic middle age male, an American, a mental health professional, a  Florida resident, a parent, a husband, a son, and many other entities.  All of these I can question and deny if I choose to.  What I have not identified with as much is what can never question or deny.

My true self.

But what is the true self?  Is it simply being human? Being a person? After all, isn’t that what we all have in common? Identifying with being Human beings ? Anything else could be used to separate and segregate us.  But being humans could only keep us united.